All the things she wish she said
by tazitz
Summary: When Kate gets kidnapped, something happens to her that changes her forever. Everyone has given up on her, except for Sawyer. He helps her through the terrible time she is going through, and helps her discover what she thought she had lost. Skate
1. What she said

_ "Silent screaming and no one needs to listen_  
_ We don't care for each other's feelings_  
_ Try to hide behind some self styled ignorance_  
_ We have to realize the probs next door to us"_

_ Despair_

**Prologue: All the Things She Wish She Said**

Being able to speak. It's a wondrous gift that most people overlook. I did too, until I couldn't anymore. I had been out in the jungle and then my memory drew a total blank until I was found on the beach weeks later. Jack did a full examination on me and nothing had changed. Nothing except for the fact that I couldn't speak anymore, not a damn word. Jack chalked it all up to the trauma I had endured, but I knew it ran deeper than that. I had been gone for three weeks before I was found, so if the Others had done anything that would have shown, I definitely had time to heal.

Once everyone found out what had happened to me, they flocked to my tent, eager to try to help, eager to be the one who "fixed" me. I wanted to like the attention, but I just couldn't. I started being unresponsive and soon enough, I was left alone. It just seemed like no one cared anymore.

Except for him. He's the only one left I have to turn to. While my bad attitude drove everyone else away, he seemed drawn to it. He would come into my tent night after night, trying to help me find my voice. No matter what I did, he never gave up on me.

The night of January 16th, 2005 was the last night I heard my voice. Heard my voice pleading for help.

Heard my voice screaming for him to save me.

**A/N: So that was my first "chapter"… well, prologue! Let me know what you think by pressing that little button on the bottom of the screen that says "Leave Review" because I love that…!**

**Thanks everyone for reading!**

**tazitz**


	2. What she didn't say

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, I don't own Kate, and I don't own Sawyer… If I did though…. whistle**

"_Do you feel anything at all?_

_Do you hear steps at the door?_

_Do you reckon the smell of...?_

_It's life-the the dark that binds you"_

_In Flames_

**Chapter One: All the Things She Wish She Said**

From the second I opened my eyes, I knew it was going to be a bad day. It was overcast, and the winds were absolutely atrocious. I threw my blanket back over my head, but my growling stomach made me take it off again. _God, why couldn't I just be like a bear? Eat, get all fat, and sleep for months._ I thought bitterly.

I opened the flap of my tent and crawled out. I got to my feet and walked over to the "grocery store". I opened a bag of Dharma crackers and ate a few as I surveyed the beach in front of me.

"Find anythin' interestin' out there Freckles?" A voice behind me caused me to jump. I turned around and glared at Sawyer.

"As a matter of fact, no. Not that it's any of your business mind you." He gave me one of his arrogant looks back. God, he should patent those things.

"What, Doc in the hatch on button duty?" I rolled my eyes and turned back around to face the beach.

"How would I know where Jack is Sawyer? Actually, the better question would be _why _do I care where Jack is?" Sawyer snorted.

"Oh don't flatter yourself sweet cheeks. You may be good at runnin' and hidin' from the pigs, but you're a terrible liar." He chuckled at his own statement. I kept quiet, not really knowing what to say to that. I just stuck another cracker in my mouth and chewed it up slowly. "See sweetheart? Told ya you weren't any good at it." He whispered in my ear. I had to fight with my body not to shiver.

"What do you know Sawyer? Nothing, that's what. For _all _you know, I could have made up everything I have ever told you and you would never be any the wiser." I felt proud of myself for turning the tables on him.

"Ahhh, excellent point Sassafras, but you see that's a lie too. I can read you like a book." Again, I rolled my eyes.

"Oh yeah?" He nodded. "Fine. What am I thinking about right now then?" Sawyer squinted up his eyes and acted like he was concentrating real hard. After a minute of this, his faced brightened and he smiled.

"You're thinking about me naked. In a hot, steamy shower." He grinned as I shook my head.

"Oh yes, I want you, I need you, ohhh baby, ohhh baby." I put the box of crackers down and started walking back to my tent, intending to end that conversation. My intentions were thrown down the drain though, as I heard the sound of his approaching footsteps.

"Hey now Freckles, no need to get all moody on me. I was just teasin' with ya."

"Well goody for you Sawyer. Now if you don't mind, leave me the hell alone." I stalked away and back into my tent. I just wanted to go to sleep, wake up, and find myself back in civilization. Sure, my actuality of civilization would either be me sleeping on the side of the road, or sleeping in a jail cell, but I like to think that if I was back there, I would have _real_ freedom. I sighed as I turned over on my side, jammed my eyes shit, and fell into a fitful sleep.

**A/N Thanks for reading! What do you think? Is it realistic or no? Cause my dad says he thinks it is, but I don't know if he's just saying that or not. Stay tuned for the next chapter!**

**tazitz**


	3. What she would have said

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, Kate, Jack, Sawyer, Claire, Aaron, or anyone on that island…**

**If I did, I'd be rich and I could be writing my stories and having them published. Yeah, that'd be a dream!**

"_Half eaten meals lie rotting on the tables,  
Money clutched within a boney hand.  
Shutters down, the banks are not receiving,  
The earth dies screaming."_

_ub40_

**Chapter Two: All the Things She Wish She Said**

It was probably four or five in the evening when I woke up again. I crawled out of my tent and surveyed the beach for the second time that day. _Not a sign of Jack or Sawyer, thank god. _I mentally cheered. I took a deep breath in through my mouth and slowly let it out. It was then that I realized how dry my mouth was. I stuck my head back into the tent and grabbed my water bottle, only to find it empty. _Just abso-freaking-loutely peachy._ I groaned. I was not feeling up to walking to the caves and back right about now.

I slipped into my shoes and started walking across the sand. I reached the edge of the jungle before I spotted him. _Please oh please, just let him go away and leave me alone._ No such luck.

"Hey there Sassafras, where you headed?"

"I need water." I held up my water bottle for emphasis. He chuckled.

"Want any company?" Before I could refuse, he started walking on the path ahead of me. Shaking my head, I followed behind him. We walked in silence for maybe ten minutes before Sawyer slowed down and fell into step with me. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, and spoke. "What is it with you Freckles? Do you not like everybody, or do you just save the attitude for me?"

"Oh way to be cocky Sawyer. If you think my "attitude" has anything to do with your presence, then you're sadly mistaken."

"Then what is it that has your panties in such a twist?"

"My panties aren't in a twist Sawyer. I just want, no_ need_, to think, alright?" He rolled his eyes, but shut up.

We reached the caves a bit after that and I headed straight for the cool, clear water. I filled my water bottle, took a drink, and then topped it off again. I heard a rustling in the bushes behind me and whipped around.

"Sawyer, is that you?" The rustling stopped. "Sawyer, that is so not funny. Stop being an asshole." Nothing moved. I sighed and got to my feet, brushing the dirt off my knees.

"Freckles? Where'dija go off to?" I looked to my left and saw Sawyer whacking bushes aside as he walked over to me.

"You ass, why didn't you answer me when I called you out?" He gave me a questioning look. "You were hiding behind the bushes…?" I reminded him.

"So sorry to disappoint Sassafras, but I did no such thing. Now, you ready to head back?" I nodded and he turned and walked down the path. I started to follow suit, but something behind me grabbed my arm and yanked me back. I screamed and tried to see what had a hold on me, but it kept me firmly in front of it. Sawyer turned rapidly at the sound of my upset, and came running toward me.

"Get your goddamn hands off of her!" He tried grabbing my arm, but something, rather, someone, else went at him and knocked him to the ground.

"Sawyer, help! Please, _SAWYER_!" I screamed as tears streamed down my face. I started being dragged away as I saw Sawyer struggle to his feet, but I was already too far away to rescue.

The last thing I remember seeing before I blacked out was Sawyer's face, looking hopeless, his eyes filling with tears.

**A/N So… what do you think is going to happen to her? I already know, but I'm curious to see what you guys think! Leave me a review and let me know!**

**I appreciate ya'll reading!**

**tazitz**


	4. What she could have said

**A/N I don't own Lost, blah blah blah. I'm too boring for that.**

"_The best day of my life is all thanks to you  
Precious remembrance saved for rainy days on february  
Few scenes from my life where moments mean more to me  
Than our fine nights,  
I remember like yesterday, the time of my life"_

_Starting Line_

**Chapter Three: All the Things She Wish She Said**

When I woke up, the sun was rising, and I was lying on the beach. Claire was hovering over me and smiled when she saw me looking at her.

"Mornin' sunshine. You gave us all quite a scare with that disappearing act of yours." I opened my mouth to tell her what really happened, but I couldn't talk. I closed my mouth, puzzled, but didn't have anytime to ponder over it before Jack ran over to my side, a bottle of water in one hand and a washcloth in the other.

"Good, good, you're awake. How are you feeling? Nauseous, dizzy, hot, cold?" He asked in a rush. I tried to answer his questions, but my voice just wouldn't work. I sat up and gestured to my throat. "Are you thirsty? Of course you…" I cut him off with a shake of my head. I gestured to my throat again, this time moving my mouth at the same time. "Hungry?" I shook my head. I looked at in his face and mouthed to him.

"I can't talk." Jack gave me a baffled look.

"You can't talk? That's crazy! Have you tried?"

"'Course she has Doc, did you not see her struggling to get her point through your thick skull?" Sawyer dragged his feet through the sand and to my unoccupied side. I had to fight back the urge to throw my arms around his neck and hold on and never let go. Instead, I gave him a smile and a nod of appreciation.

"Sawyer, I don't need your smartass comments at this moment. I do, however, need you to help me get Kate to the hatch." Sawyer nodded and Jack got up and started walking briskly into the jungle. I tried to get up on my own, but my legs felt like jelly and I almost did a face plant into the sand, but Sawyer caught my arm and hoisted me up. He slid his arm around my waist, and told me to lean on him so he could properly support me. _Funny. _I thought. _Only a little while ago, it was me helping him like this._

"Far as I remember Freckles, last time we were in this position, it was you was supportin' me." I smiled and nodded. It was kind of eerie though, almost like he could read my mind. He didn't try making small talk, trying to fill the silence I knew I left. Claire walked with us to the jungle, but then said she had to get back to Aaron. Jack stayed a good distance ahead of us the entire time, but always stayed in sight. I looked up at Sawyer and gave him a look, glancing at Jack. "Oh, don't mind Doc. When you disappeared, he spent the better part of a week looking for you. By the end of the eighth day you were gone, he was convinced you were dead. I think he even settled his mind on the fact that you were dead. Seeing you alive after three weeks prolly just has him in some sort of shock." My head shot up at the mention of three weeks. "Yeah, you were gone a long time Sassafras. I never gave up hope on ya though." I smiled, but was still curious about something. I tried asking him a question. I pointed to him, then to me, hoping he would understand what point I was trying to make. "Ahhh hell Sassafras, 'course I did. I'd be a real asshole if I hadn't, right?" I rolled my eyes, but tightened my grip on his waist to show my gratitude.

**A/N Okay, so leave me a comment and tell me what you think. I'm also going to let you guys decide on whats going to happen with the fic… like, not in it, but with the updates…**

**Anyways, do you guys want either A) Shorter chapters with more frequent updates or B) Longer chapters with updates once, MAYBE twice a week?**

**Whichever gets the most votes is what I'll do. Thanks for reading, hope you guys still like it!**

**Tazitz**


	5. What she should have said

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, blah, blah, blah. We all know I'm not that talented.**

"_After all wars  
We lie, as shelter falls  
The world is but Hell  
A place darkened out by time  
Submit to the fall"_

_Paradise Lost_

**Chapter Four: All the Things She Wish She Said**

When we reached the hatch, Jack was already there, holding the door open. I gave him a grin and grasped his hand to show my thanks for second before Sawyer and I passed him.

"Take her to the bed Sawyer. I need to get a few things." Jack ordered as he went into the bathroom to collect his supplies. Sawyer made a face at his back, and I laughed… well I laughed as much as I could for not being able to talk. Sawyer smirked and took me to the bed. I crawled in and leaned against the headboard, bringing my legs up to my chest. Sawyer sat in the middle of the bed, his back leaning against the window, which was filled with artificial sunlight. Jack came bustling in a minute later with a while bunch of stuff in his arms. He dumped it all on the table and began sorting through everything. "Kate, I need you to lie down." Sawyer got up and looked down on me as I got situated.

"Need anythin' Freckles?" I shook my head. "Alright then. Doc, let me know when you're done with her." Jack gave him a nod, not looking up from what he was doing. Sawyer disappeared into the hatch, carefully closing the door behind him.

"Kate, I need you to get undressed please." He glanced over at me and saw my incredulous look. He gave me a small grin. "Keep your underwear and bra on. I'm just going to make sure nothing else is wrong with you." I nodded and did as I was told.

The next hour or so was filled with silence. Never once did Jack look up from what he was doing to say anything, or even to give me a look of encouragement. When he was done, he gave me a nod and I put my clothes back on. I got up from the bed and had my hand on the doorknob when he finally spoke.

"Kate." I turned around to face him, letting my hand drop from the knob. "I'm so glad you're alright." He choked on his words as he walked forward and wrapped his arms around me. I quickly responded, holding him tightly, truly grateful for his friendship. "God Kate, when you were gone… Man, I felt like my entire world was collapsing. I had to get you back, I knew I had to, but the island wouldn't let me." His eyes filled with tears as he grasped my hands. _Damn girl, you made two men cry in less than a month._ Jack continued.

"I wanted to find you so bad. Hell, maybe I needed to find you, but when I couldn't, I almost died. I never want to lose you again. Never, ever again." The tears spilled over and ran down his face, making me feel a little choked up. I pilled him to me and gave him another hug, a hug to assure him that I wasn't going anywhere. I let go of him and grasped his face between my hands and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. He looked at me like he wanted more, but I shook my head. I turned around and opened the door, only to find Sawyer standing there.

"I see how it is now Kate. Second one mans gone, you go for another. It's not like we, I, have feelin's or nothin'. With that, Sawyer turned and hurried out of the hatch. I tried to call after him, but that's right…

I can't talk!

**A/N So… do you like it! I hope so, cause I'm really lovin' it. It there anything you want me to add, clear up, anything like that? If so, leave me a review and let me know!**

**tazitz**


	6. What she hated to say

**A/N Just so everyone doesn't get confused, when I say that Kate "talks", she is really mouthing her words. Like, how you would mouth words to a deaf person who can read lips.**

**And Sawyer can understand her. Cause he's just cool like that.**

**And also, this is my longest chapter (1036 words!) I have written for this story. And it didn't even take that long... it is actualyl longer than my essay for dance class was, so yay me! (And its probably a LOT more interesting too!) **

**Read and review… PLEASE!**

**  
**

"_Passion chokes the flower  
'til she cries no more  
possessing all the beauty  
hungry still for more"_

_Sarah McLachlan_

**Chapter Five: All the Things She Wish She Said**

As Sawyer left the hatch, I looked back at Jack and gave him an apologetic look before going after Sawyer. When I got outside, I looked around and saw him crashing through the bushes and trees, cursing at everything. His back was to me, so he couldn't see what I was getting ready to do. I started running at him and when I got close enough, I jumped on his back, causing us both to fall to the ground.

"What in the hell are you doing Kate?" I got off of Sawyer, brushing myself off.

What am _I _doing!" I screamed at hi m. "What was that all about in the hatch!"

"What was what about darlin'? I left, you jumped on Jack, and now you're upset that I found out!" Sawyer spat at me, giving me an evil glare.

I didn't jump on him dumbass. He told me he was happy I was alive and we hugged. _HUGGED_!" I tried explaining to him.

"Well ain't that just dandy for you sassafras." Sawyer muttered, but I could tell he felt stupid.

"Even if something did happen between me and Jack, what do you care?" I gave him a fake suspicious look.

"I care 'cause I don't want any little Jack and Kate Jr.'s crawlin' around here any time soon." Sawyer looked at me sideways and gave me a grin. I helped him up from his spot on the ground and slung my arm around his waist. I poked him in the side to make him look at me.

"C'mon, let's go back to the beach. I'm starving!"

₪

I pointed up at the night sky at a particular bunch of stars.

"That's Orion's Belt. There was some sort of story about him, like he was an archer and he lost his belt and died or somethin', but I honestly don't remember." Sawyer explained. I nodded and propped my head up on my hand, looking at him with an amused expression on my face. "What?" He asked, grinning shyly. Even in the dark of the night, I could still tell he was embarrassed.

"You know, I never…" He cut me off.

"I can't see what you're sayin' Katey Bear." I gave him a questioning look that he was able to see. "It's a new nickname, get used to it." I laughed, but then took his hand to tell him what I was going to tell him before he interrupted." I placed his hand palm up on my leg and began tracing letters on his palm. "I… never… pegged… you… for… the… type… to… know… about… stars." Sawyer whispered aloud as he understood each word. He nodded. "When I was younger, my school required we all take astronomy. My teacher was real into it and told us the story of each formation as well as what they looked like and such. Everyone in the class complained about it, including me, but I had actually liked it." His voice dropped and he looked in my eyes. He started leaning forward and I closed my eyes.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I need to talk to Kate real quick." I jumped and opened my eyes to reveal Jack standing right next to us, looking down at me. I felt my face go hot, suddenly grateful for the night to mask my expression. I got up and walked with Jack, a distance away from where Sawyer was slumping. "I just wanted to let you know that there was nothing else wrong with you that I could see, but uhhh…" Jack stammered on his words. "Did you always have those numbers tattooed on the inside of your right thigh?" I violently shook my head, wondering why I hadn't noticed them before. "Well, I didn't think so, so I checked them out too, but they don't seem to have done anything to you either."

"What are the numbers?" We were in distance of a few torches, so I knew he could see me.

"They're uhhh…" He thought a second. "Oh! They are 66773." I stood there, puzzled. _What do those numbers have to do with me? _I thought desperately. "Anyway," Jack continued. "That was all I needed to tell you so I'll let you get back to Sawyer." I turned and waved back to him absentmindedly. I walked back to Sawyer, pulled him up by the arm, and dragged him into my tent.

"My my my Freckles, if I'da known it'd be this easy to bed ya, I woulda done it months ago." He winced as I smacked him upside the head. I picked up a flashlight from the floor and handed it to him. He clicked it on and I shimmied out of my jeans. "Wooah there cowgirl, I was just kiddin'! Although, if you insist…" His voice trailed off as I turned my leg to show the numbers on my thigh. "Nice tat ya have there darlin'. Why are ya showin' it to me?" He shined the flashlight on my face.

"I'm showing it to you because it wasn't there before. I got it when I got taken." His face dawned with comprehension.

"Any idea what they might stand for?" I shook my head.

"They could stand for letters, numbers, anything. For all I know, they could hold the day and time of the end of the world!" I threw my hands up into the air and sank down onto my blanket.

"I'm sure it doesn't mean a damn thing Freckles." Sawyer tried to reassure me as he sat down next to me. "Just don't let it get to ya. You'll just worry your pretty little head over nothin'." He paused as I smiled. _Pretty little head huh? Sounds promising…_ I shut myself up as Sawyer continued. "Now, if you're willin', since the jobs already half done…" He made a suggestive look down at my bare legs, making me blush. I smacked him in the arm and shoved him out of my tent. "Well nighty night to you too hot legs." Sawyer exclaimed, chuckling at his newest nickname for me.

_Some men. _I thought. _They just don't know when to keep their mouths shut… especially the cowboys…especially the ones with dimples._

**A/N So….. Yes, no, maybe so? Leave a review and let me know! **

**Yeah, I'm a poet. Be jealous.**

**Thanks for reading guys, your reviews mean the world to me!**

** ALso, when you do leave reviews, please please PLEASE let me know what you want to see in the story! So far I have romance... and lots of it(!) for an idea. I need more! This is my last chapter I have fully written, and I'm having a LITTLE bit of writers block, so anything you have to say would be mucho helofulo. (Thats my spanglish. Yeah, its amazing)**

**Again, thanks so much, you guys rock!**

**tazitz **


	7. What she loved to say

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, or Sawyer, or Kate, or any waterfalls somewhere on an island in the Atlantic Ocean.**

"_Well I kissed the rain  
I waited up  
you're pouring dragons in my cup  
done trying  
I can't cope with it  
well get over it   
yeah, I'm over it"_

_Teddy Geiger_

**Chapter Six**

There I was, in a room. Not in my tent, but in a room. I tried to sit up to get an idea of where exactly I was, but I couldn't. My arms were strapped to the bed. I lifted my head and saw maybe five or six people all crowded at the end of my bed. They were all talking amongst each other, not acknowledging me.

"She is too important-"

"- can't kill her."

"We can't risk a breach-"

"Just trust her. She's not-"

"Trust her! She's an-"

"Ladies, gentlemen, please." Someone spoke as he entered the room. I tried to see where he had gotten in from, he I couldn't. "There's no use bickering. We already discussed what has to happen," He shot a look at one of the protesters. "And we all agreed it was for the best. Not, shall I do the honors?" One of the original one's in the room held a tray out to him. He reached his hand out and picked up a small needle filled with a greenish-blue liquid. "Ahhh, this should do nicely." He pronounced in a satisfied tone. For the first time since I realized I was there, I was acknowledged. "Now don't worry Kate, this will only hurt for a second." With that, he plunged the needle into my neck.

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I bolted straight up, trembling and covered in sweat. I felt a hand on my arm and I jerked away on impulse.

"Wooah there Freckles, it's only me." Sawyer said in a soothing tone. Almost instantly I felt calm. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing, I just had a nightmare." I paused. "What are you doing in here this late?"

"Late? Try mid-mornin' darlin'." Sawyer corrected me, pointing toward the flap in my tent, which was letting a little strip of light in. I nodded, then said,

"You didn't answer my question."

"And which one might that have been sweetcheeks?" He asked, sounding like he was regretting hearing my answer.

"What are you doing here, in my tent, when I'm sleeping?" I repeated. He glanced at me, then resumed his gaze on the floor.

"I, uh, I…-"He broke off, trying to search for the right word. "I was, er, wor-. I was worried about you." He was finally able to spit out. It seemed to have taken a lot of effort out of him.

"Worried about me? Why?" I asked a little confused.

Awww shoot Freckles, I'da thought the answer to that one woulda been an easy one to see." He answered sarcastically, slapping his knee for extra emphasis. "This was your first night back since you were taken. I just wanted to make sure you weren't kidnapped or somethin' again." He looked up at me, smiling shyly. "Or if you were havin' a nightmare, you mighta needed a knight in shinin' armor to save you." I stared at him a second, trying to decide if I had anything to say to that or not.

I didn't.

He glanced back down at the ground, then back up at me again. "Did you try to talk last night, after I left you?" I shook my head. "Alright, that gives us a starting point." I drew a question mark in the air, and gave him a confused look. "For you learning to talk again." I opened my mouth, intent on correcting him, but he spoke again first. "I mean to say sassafras, for you to be able to speak again. I know you remember how to." He grinned.

"So, how do you propose we start then? By reciting the ABC's backward, spell out supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, what?" I asked, full of skepticism.

"Wait, supercaliwhat?" Sawyer gave me a look a child gave to an adult after hearing a dirty joke.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. You know, that song from Mary Poppins. _Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, if you hear the sound of it, you know it's quite atrocious..._" I started singing. I cut myself off though at the look of bewilderment he gave me.

"Sorry darlin', but I was never one to watch movies as a youngster. I was more the bookworm." I gave him a look that clearly said 'whatever'. He chuckled. "'Course, that could also have had to do with the fact that we didn't have a damn VCR in the house that didn't eat the tapes put in it."

"Now that's more believable. Not by much though." I said, smiling. He shook his head, but he too had a grin on his face.

"Now, as I was sayin', we have a startin' point. Just so you're aware, I've never had to teach someone to re-learn how to talk, so go easy on me. Besides, it can't be that hard." He said with a hint of arrogance in his voice. _Oh yeah? Why don't you try being the one who can't talk? After you do that, then get back to me._ I thought to myself. I then repeated it for Sawyer. "Oh don't be all down on yourself Sassafras. You'll pick up on it in no time. It's just like when you're a baby. You have to take small steps to make the one big one that matters."

"That's quite a profound statement for you to have just come up with." I replied.

"I didn't. My dad used to say it to me all the time before…" He stopped himself, and then started again. "He used to say it to make me remember that all the stuff I had to do that I thought was useless, like school, would eventually play into a bigger picture to give me a great life."

"It sounds like your dad is a pretty smart man."

"Was Kate. He _was _a smart man." Sawyer's use of my first name caught me off guard. He had only used it before when he was mad at me. His nicknames, no matter how stupid or annoying, have started to serve as a comfort to me. I nodded, not knowing what else to say to him. I didn't have to worry though, as Sawyer stood up and held out his hand. "C'mon, its time to go."

"Go where?" I protested. I had just gotten comfortable again.

"Nothin' you need to worry about. Now, shall we...?" I sighed, but grasped his hand. He helped me up and led me out of my tent. I took hold of his face with my free hand and pulled it down to look at my face.

"Where are we going?" I asked stubbornly. He shook his head.

"You'll find out soon enough." He replied just as stubbornly. I stopped walking. We were still holding hands at that point, so my sudden stop jerked his arm back.

"Jesus Freckles, what is your problem?" I stomped my foot and pouted my face.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me where we're going" I exclaimed.

"Gahh, I really didn't want to have to do this." Sawyer muttered under his breath. I smiled, gloating, thinking I had won.

I hadn't.

He turned around, picked me up, and slung me over one shoulder. I tried screaming at him, but, obviously, I couldn't. So instead I started beating on his back, desperate for him to put me down. He started walking into the jungle and after about ten minutes, I gave up trying to get free. After another ten or so minutes, I was really bored, so I started drawing on his back with my fingers. He squirmed a little to the right and I knew I had hit a soft spot. I kept doing it, getting closer and closer to his right side, which seemed to be his most ticklish spot.

"Damn it girl, stop doin' that!" He jerked as I tickled him again. "Damn it Sassafras. Alright, if I put you down, will you keep walkin' with me?" I nodded and wrote 'yes' on his back too. He heaved me off of his shoulder and caught my arm to keep me from tumbling to the ground. "My aren't you bein' clumsy lately." I stuck my tongue out at him. "Oh, way to be mature!" He started walking again. I picked up my stride so that I was walking at his pace. He led me out into a clearing. I looked ahead of me and saw nothing but green. I turned to him, about to question what I was supposed to be seeing, but he just smiled and turned me around. My jaw dropped and I whirled around and flung my arms around his neck.

He had brought me to the waterfall.

**A/N Soooooooooo… did you guys like it? Sawyer opened up just a little bit, like someone suggested he did, and he took her to the waterfall, like someone else suggested he do…**

**Or maybe it was the same person? I don't know. Let me know though, in a review, because I want to give you the credit you deserve!**

**So right now, I have a poll for you guys. I want to know what you guy think Kate should say as her first words. Here are the choices:**

**A) "I love you"**

**B) "I hate you"**

**C) "What the hell is your problem!"**

**D) She shouldn't say anything because she shouldn't talk again.**

**Thanks so much guys… please leave reviews because I love them! Thanks for reading!**

**Tazitz**


	8. What she was forced to say

**A/N Guys, I'm SOSOSOSOSOSO sorry for making you guys wait so long for this update! I didn't forget about you, I swear! My sister's wedding is coming up on Friday though, and my mom and my sister are so pissed at each other and… It's just a whole crap load of drama. **

**Plus, I've noticed that whenever I go to the library and get books, I spend more time reading instead of writing… so sorry about that! lol**

**And BIGBIGBIG thanks to CowboysWithDimples. You are AMAZING! Thanks for all the reviews!**

**And thanks to everyone else, your reviews mean everything to me! Hope you like this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, Kate, or Sawyer. I do, however, own Marco Polo. Just in case you were wondering.**

"_I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you  
Every thunder cloud that came was one more I might not get through  
On the darkest day there's always light and now I see it too  
But I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you  
I hear it falling in the night and filling up my mind  
All the heaven's rivers come to light I see it all unwind  
I hear it talking through the trees and on the window pane  
When I hear it I just can't believe I never liked the rain"_

_Clint Black_

**Chapter Seven: All the Things She Wish She Said**

Back when Sawyer and I had first discovered the waterfall, I felt like I had found heaven. Being able to escape the chaos my life was, was bliss. Sure, my first experience hadn't been completely jovial, but it had also helped me face a lot of things in my life. I had only been back there once again, but it felt like I had lived there my whole life. I never really expressed in words why I liked being there so much, or even how much I liked being there, so for Sawyer to bring me here, even if he didn't know, really meant something.

Then again, it IS Sawyer, and lately, it seems that he knows me better than anyone I've ever met.

Sawyer snaked his arms around my waist and whispered in my ear "It's all for you Kate. Always will be." I felt butterflies in my stomach start to flutter and I pulled away from him, racing to the water's edge. I quickly stripped out of my pants and shirt and waded into the water. Almost instantly, I got the goose bumps and I almost jumped out of my skin. _Damn, I don't remember the water being this cold._ I thought to myself. I looked behind me, expecting to see Sawyer starting to come into the water with me, but he was just perched on a rock, grinning at the sight in front of him.

"Come on cowboy!" I said, waving him to come with me. He shook his head.

"Hell no Sassafras, do you have any idea how cold that water is?" I gave him a look that told him how stupid I thought he was being. "Oh don't give me that look girlie. I never said nothin' 'bout going into that lake. I only brought you here to help you find your voice." I laughed a little, then got out of the water, and walked over to him. I gave him a devilish look and grabbed his arm, tugging him toward the water. "Let me go! Freckles, if you do that, I swear I'll…" He stopped, not saying anything, and I knew I had him. I started tugging off his shirt, being nice and not wanting his clothes to get soaking wet. "Awww stop it Freckles. I can get undressed myself. I'm a big boy, ya know." I shook my head, but then went back into the water to wait for him. _It won't be as cold if you just go all in._ I tried to rationalize with myself. I closed my eyes and counted to three, then went under. I came up, trying to catch my breath. _Damn, cold like that can freeze your body._ I looked around, disoriented for a minute. I stared at the shore, trying to find Sawyer, but he was nowhere to be found. I looked around frantically, splashing in the water around me, foolishly thinking that I could feel him movements. I felt something tug on my leg and I jerked, looking down into the water.

It was Sawyer.

He came up for air, laughing his ass off. "Damn Sassafras, if you'da been able to see your face, that was the funniest thin' I've seen in a long while." I hit him in the arm, and he flinched. "Oh don't be such a girl. It's not my fault you're so easily scared." I made a face, and then started swimming around again, trying to keep my body warm in the cold water. We interacted like that for a while, playfully chasing each other and goofing off. After half an hour, Sawyer spoke of boredom. "C'mon, can't we play somethin' at least? This is stupid."

"Do you have any suggestions then?"

"Yeah. How 'bout… Marco Polo?" He grinned.

"Oh yeah, I'll get right on that." I rolled my eyes. "You jerk, how can you play that when, uhhh, one of us can't talk? That's only an important part of the game!" I exclaimed.

"If you'da let me finish, you woulda heard that I already thought of that darlin'. Alls we have to do is, when I'm it, I'll say Marco, and you'll splash, as your way of sayin' Polo. And then when you're it, you'll splash to say Marco, and then I'll say Polo. How does that sound?" I thought about it, then nodded.

"But don't cheat. 'Cause cheating is for babies." He gave me a look that clearly said 'Yeah, I know that.' We looked at each other a second, then spoke at the same time.

"You're it!" I laughed.

"You're it Sawyer!"

"No way! You're it!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"No!"

"Yeah! I said it first. I didn't hear a peep come out of your mouth." He gave me a smug look.

"You're an asshole, you know that?" I said to him, then turned around and counted to ten. I closed my eyes and turned back around. I splashed.

"Polo." I turned to my left, reaching out my arms to try to feel him. I splashed again.

"Polo." This time, it came from my right. I jerked around and moved forward a little. I heard a ripple of water going left and I swam after it. My hand gripped a warm arm, and I opened my arm in triumph. "No fair, you looked!" He accused.

"Oh whatever, I did not. Now, it's your turn." He grumbled, but turned around and counted. I swam maybe ten feet away, and hovered. He turned around.

"Marco." I splashed, making it go to the left while I swam to the right. He went after the splash, and I laughed. "Marco." He called again, and I splashed to the right this time, going back to the left, where I had originally been. I saw Sawyer's eyes shoot open for just a split second, and then he started coming after me. I swam away, trying to stay out of his reach, but he swam a lot faster than I did. He caught me in his arms and laughed. "I am the master at this game!" I shook my head in disagreement.

"No way! You cheater, I saw you open your eyes!" He gave me a shocked look.

"I am appalled that you would even think of accusin' me of stoopin' as low as cheatin' to win a stupid children's game."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure. You cheater!" I smacked him in the chest lightly and he grinned.

"Don't go all beatin' up on me now Freckles. I might just have to do somethin' to get you back for it."

"Oh yeah? Like what? You wouldn't hit a girl."

"I might not hit one, but I have other ways of torture." I rolled my eyes.

"And what might that be?"

"This." He crushed his lips onto mine and I was stunned. _Where on earth did that come fro… God, he's a good kisser._ I thought as I started responding to his kisses. His tongue pushed against my lips and I opened my mouth, letting him in. Just as I was really starting to enjoy it, he pulled away. I opened my eyes and pouted, seeing the gleam in his eyes. He let go of me and I knew that that moment was over.

He was right about one thing though. Him pulling away, that was torture. Or maybe it was just plain mean. Whichever it was, it wasn't nice, and I didn't appreciate it one little bit.

**A/N ………… SO! Good, bad, hate it, love it? Hope it wasn't like anticlimactic or obvious or predictable or anything like that, cause that wouldn't be good!**

**Also, I won't be posting another chapter until after next Monday. We are driving back from OKC on Monday, and we'll be back that night, but I probably won't be able to post anything until Tuesday, or Wednesday, at the latest. To make up for it, I'll spend tons of time writing while I'm there and when I get back, I might be able to post two chapters as a consolation! **

**Anyways, please leave me reviews, I want to know what you think! Talk to you guys soon. If you have any questions, message me. I'll be checking my email while on vacation too, so no worries about that. **

**Tazitz**


	9. What she had to say

**A/N Yes, I know… I'm WAY later than I thought I would be, and I'm so sorry about that! The wedding was a lot of fun… for me and the kids I hung out with anyways. It was me, my moms ex husband's daughter, and my moms ex husband's girlfriends 2 daughters. **

**Yeah, way complicated. **

**We had a lot of fun together, but my mom and my sister didn't get along too well and my mom and my sister's husband REALLY didn't get along and my mom, dad, my moms ex husband, and his girlfriend REALLY REALLY REALLY didn't get along with his family. **

**But I had fun. And I looked gorgeous! I don't care how conceited I sound, because I know how fabulous I looked! The only one who looked better than me was my sister! But yeah, so between hanging out with my sissy and my friends and all, I didn't write a single word.**

**If it makes you feel any better, I didn't read a single word either. I was super busy. SO yeah. I'm really sorry for making ya'll wait so long, and I hope it seemed worth it to you! I'm at work, and we just had a class, but now comes the slow time… which means I can write! WOOHOO! **

**Please let me know what you think. As for the question I posed at the end of chapter 6, most people think I should make her first words be "I love you" and "What the hell is your problem?" Whether or not I agree with you is another story…  **

**Review and I'll give you Sawyer…**

**Well, a cardboard cutout! The real one is too busy with me… haha I wish!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, Kate, Sawyer, or a mango tree. That would be cool though.**

"_No, life aint always beautiful  
Tears will fall sometimes  
Life aint always beautiful  
But it's a beautiful ride"_

_Gary Allan_

**Chapter Eight: All The Things She Wish She Said**

Sawyer turned his back to me, but not before I could see the smirk that engulfed his face. I wanted to slap him, but seeing as he was pretty much the only person I could "talk" to, I decided not to piss him off.

Too much anyways.

I could always get my revenge in other ways too. Like with a goofy haircut. I chuckled to myself, and started getting dressed again.

"What _are _you doin' darlin'?" Sawyer asked, confused.

"I'm getting dressed, what does it look like I'm _doin'_?" I mimicked his southern accent.

"Well duh Sassafras, but why?" I rolled my eyes.

"'Cause I'm cold. And I'm hungry. And I feel deprived of human interaction."

"Well then what the hell am I? Chopped liver?"

"No, you're an ape. Your brain forgot to evolve with the rest of your body." I smirked.

"Yeah, ape. Funny, har-day-freakin'-har." He grumbled under his breath as he pulled his clothes on as well. I giggled and he shot me a look of death. I rolled my eyes again and started walking back into the jungle. He dragged his feet after me, careful to stay just far enough behind so it didn't look like he was willingly following me. A few feet ahead of me, I spotted a mango tree. I walked up to it, and surveyed it. The lowest branch was a good four feet above my head. I turned around and gestured Sawyer over to the tree.

"Aww c'mon Freckles. Can't ya just eat the fruit we have on the beach?" Sawyer complained.

"I could, but I want it fresh. Now come on, give me a boost." He sighed, but held his hands, fingers interlocked, low enough for me to step on. I put one hand on his shoulder and the other on the tree, and stepped into his hand. He hoisted me up and I made a wild grab for the branch. Unfortunately, I missed by five or so inches and I felt my body start to wobble. I tried to get a grip on the tree, but the bark only scraped up my hands. I felt Sawyer shift under me and then one of his hands steadied me from falling. That hand though, held me steady on my butt. _Damn it; leave it to Sawyer to use a bad situation to cop a feel. _I struggled to get down, but he just pushed me up, allowing me to get a good grasp on the branch above me. I pulled my body onto the branch and shot Sawyer the most vicious look I could muster. He laughed and I just stood up and started climbing up. Little by little, I finally reached a branch with fruit on the end. I laid my body flat on the branch and started shimming out to it. I reached out for a mango and plucked it from its hanging place. I looked down and found Sawyer staring in another direction. _Perfect! _I thought evilly to myself. I held the fruit away from the tree with my fingertips and took aim. I grinned as I released it.

_SPLAT!_

The mango hit Sawyer square in the middle of his head, bursting open and dripping juice everywhere. I threw my head back in laughter, not believing that I had had such good aim. Sawyer shook his head and dislodged the mango, causing it to land limply on the jungle moss. He looked up at me and his eyes flashed red for a second before he too started laughing. We both calmed down after a few minutes and then we got serious. I threw down six more mangos. This time, they all made their trip down to the ground whole. When I was done, I climbed my way down the tree. When I got to the last branch, I gestured Sawyer out of the way. He obliged and I landed on the ground, twisting my ankle a little. It wasn't enough to cause any real pain, so I just stood up and smiled at him.

"Yeah, you think you're so funny sweet heart. You just wait… just wait." He warned, a hint of laughter in his voice. I kept on smiling and swung my arm around his waist. He looked down at me.

"You know, mango is SO your smell. Did you ever use Bath and Body Works before this?" He grimaced and I nodded. "Yeah, I knew it."

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I looked around at the beach as we made our way out of the jungle. Claire and Charlie were sitting on the sand, chatting. They stopped as they saw me. I gave them a small smile, but couldn't help feeling really uncomfortable. We walked down to the ocean where Sawyer waded in and dunked his head in, trying to get the mango juice out. When he was done, we seated ourselves a few feet away from the top of the surf and started eating.

"Kate, is it just me, or is everyon' lookin' at us?" I surveyed the beach and it did seem as though most everyone was paying attention to us both.

"I think it's just you." I lied, suddenly wanting to disappear off the face of the island. We finished up, leaving only one mango. I led us over to my tent and turned to him. "Thanks for a nice time… I really needed it. And it was a lot of fun." I said awkwardly. This suddenly had the feeling of the end of a date. You know, the part where the boy and the girl both say good-bye to each other, then fiddle with their hands because they don't know what else to do? Yeah, it's feeling exactly like that.

"Yeah, well… I'm a sucker for a damsel in distress, what can I say? Plus, I got to see you almost naked. That has to count for somethin'." He grinned as I felt my face go red. I nodded and turned around to head in. I heard him turn too, but then I turned back around and kicked sand at him. He turned. "Yes?" I didn't say anything, just walked up to him and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Again, thanks. You're sweet." I smiled as I really headed into my tent.

**A/N Yeah, very fluffy, but I'm in a fluffy frame of mind…**

**Why?**

**Cause my friend-boy finally asked me to be his girlfriend. Yeah, very exciting. This was after I went to his birthday party and played Dungeons and Dragons with 7 of his other guy friends.**

**Yeah, I know VERY nerdy, but what can I say, I'm a sucker for a guy with glasses…  Sorry, I'm not making sense again, am I? Didn't think so. **

**Let me know what you think. I know I've probably written better stuff, but this is still good… right? **

**Love you guys! I'll try posting by Tuesday next week!**

**Tazitz**


	10. What she neglected to say

**A/N Yeah, I know… It's been a while since I updated. I'm so sorry, but my mom has me working a lot and then when I'm not working, I'm either sleeping or hanging out with the boyfriend…**

**But I didn't die! That's a plus! So yeah. I don't really have a whole ton of news to share with everyone, except that I went and saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest last night and it was awesome. I give it like 4 thumbs up. It was that good! **

**Hope you guys like this chapter!**

**Oh, and most of the italics (like in large quantities) refer to flashbacks.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, Sawyer, or Kate. I own her voice though. Where else did you think it went?**

"_Hear me I'm crying out  
I'm ready now  
Turn my world upside down  
Find me  
I'm lost inside the crowd  
It's getting loud  
I need you to see  
I'm screaming for you to please  
Hear me...hear me"_

_Kelly Clarkson_

**Chapter Nine: All the Things She Wish She Said**

_Three weeks later_

Things had really been going well with Sawyer and me. We weren't a couple, and we weren't dating, or anything stupid like that. No, we were just _us. _The same people we were before I lost my voice, only we were us together.

But not. (It confuses us too, don't worry.)

I had taken to hanging out with him when I wasn't sleeping. Where ever I went, he went and visa versa. It sounds like it would get really annoying after a while, but truthfully, it didn't. Sawyer was one of the only people in my whole life who I would even consider being with so much, and I've been around for a while. So that means this is a pretty big deal.

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I clambered out of Sawyer's tent, not wanting to draw anyone's attention. This was the eighth night in a row I had fallen asleep in Sawyer's tent. The first few times, I thought I had been pretty sneaky and no one had noticed, but by the fourth time, I knew that someone had figured it out and spread it around the camp.

"_Kate!" I nearly jumped out of my skin as my foot caught on a stick and I fell to the ground. I looked up and saw Locke grinning down on me. I held up my hand for him to help me up and he did. "That's quite a position you have yourself in." He smirked._

"_Oh shut up. I'm a big girl; I know how to make my own decisions. I don't need your approval." I paused for a second, than added "But for your information, we didn't sleep together." Locke just gave me a look that clearly said he didn't believe me._

"_You're telling me this leads me to believe that you do need approval for what you're doing. If you hadn't told you, this would show that you're okay with what you are doing and that you don't care what other people think. Because you had to clarify, this means that you do care." He responded, not paying attention to my attempts to cut in. I rolled my eyes and turned around to go back to my tent. "You can't hide anything forever Kate. Sooner or later, everyone's going to know." _

"Kate!" I jumped. _Shit, not again. I don't want to deal with this. _I groaned as I turned around. I felt my eyes widen as I realized who it was.

"What do you want Jack?" This was the first time he had approached me since that time on the beach, and I didn't expect it to end pleasantly.

"What makes you think I want anything? What if I just wanted to make polite conversation?" I glared at him. "Alright alright, you're right. I was just wondering how you're feeling. I haven't seen you for a long while and…" He trailed off, clearly not knowing what to say.

"I'm feeling just fine, thanks. No thanks to you." I turned around, but he took a few steps and grabbed my arm, spinning me back around to face him. I yanked my arm out of his hand. "Don't touch me Jack. I don't need you, and you don't need to feel like you have to protect me! I can take care of myself." I felt like a broken record, repeating things I've been telling people for the past month.

"No, Kate, I know. I know you don't need me, but I don't want you thinking I'm only concerned because I think I have to be. I truly care for you, even if you don't believe it. I'm just concerned. I'm not trying to be a jerk." He finished, resting his eyes on mine. I tried to look away, but I knew I couldn't. _This is why you avoid him girl. Just turn around and leave. _I couldn't listen to my own brain though. Jack started walking toward me and I didn't move. He reached me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him as if I was his only lifeline to life. I wrapped my arms around him too and I started crying. Small tears at first, but eventually they grew into heavy sobs. Thank god I had no voice, or I would have probably woken up everyone on the island. Jack loosened his grip on me and held me at arms length. "Everything's going to be fine Kate. We're going to find out why you can't talk, and we're going to get it back."

"That so doc?" Sawyer emerged from his tent and glared at him. Jack dropped his arms and backed up a little.

"Yeah, that _is _so Sawyer. You aren't doing anything to help her, so I figured someone should." I shook my head, intent on disagreeing, but Sawyer spoke again.

"Shows how much you know doc. I've been helpin' her out in more ways than you can count. So get your shit straight and don't feel like you have to rescue every girl around here." He walked up behind me and draped his arms around my shoulders, resting his chin on the top of my head. I knew I should have been mad about what he had said, but I wasn't. I actually felt pretty good, very protected.

Jack looked like he wanted to say something else, but he just turned on his heel and walked off. "That'll take care of him for a while." Sawyer chuckled as he let go of his grip on me. I turned around and hugged him, burying my face in his chest. It was obvious he was surprised, but he wrapped his arms around my body and kissed the top of my head. "Now what is this for Freckles?" He asked with a grin as I lifted my head from his chest. I thought for a second, then spoke.

"Because I love you."

**A/N So… yes, no, maybe so? I know, it's pretty short, but I had writers block on this portion and I just kinda needed to get it out… and I haven't updated in almost 2 weeks, so I figured you guys would want to read something too! **

**Let me know what you think, reviews are muchly appreciated! Oh, and give me ideas… I love them! Thanks so much for reading!**

**Tazitz**


	11. What she finally said

**A/N So Uhhh… yeah. I know, welcome back, did you die? I know it's been like 3 months since I've updated, but junior year has been my hardest year in this entire world… like seriously. I have AP classes, and honors classes, and TONS of homework… BUT IT'S FALL BREAK!!! (For those of you who don't have that, it's like spring break, 'cept in October). So yeah. I'm going to post a chapter because I feel like the most horrible person ever for leaving you hanging like that. I forgot how I had ended chapter nine, and then I just went back and re-read it, and was like "OMG! No wonder they're all messaging me to write more!" So yeah…**

**And now I have season 3 for inspiration… Oh god, I seriously hope that Wednesdays (the 25) episode is referring to Sawyer as being the one Kate loves. If they make that relationship a Jate, I will never watch the damn show again! (Okay, so I will… but I won't be happy about it! Besides, Jack has Juliet now, let him be with her… they're cute together!)**

**Oh, and who CALLED IT?! I know that it wasn't Kate who lost her voice, but Locke did… And I feel so cool for predicting it!! Haha I'm just kidding!**

**Thanks sosososososososo much to everyone who reviewed. **

**AND TO CLEAR ONE THING UP: Kate DID NOT actually speak the words "'Cause I love you". She "said" them, just like she's been saying them for the past chapters. I know, major disappointment, but I'll give you guy's cookies just for being so patient!!**

**Review, and let me know what you think… I love your perspective!**

**Tazitz**

_Passion  
The will to win, the spark within_

_The strength within the hearts of men_

_The drive to press, to strive for best, to rise_

_You've just arrived the quest is driven through_

_To play through pain and love the game  
To break the chain and blaze the flame  
The fight for rights to love your life, to rise  
You've just arrived the quest is driven through  
Passion_

_Blackalicious_

**Chapter Ten: All the Things She Wish She Said**

Sawyer looked at me for a full minute, then shook his head and smiled a tight lipped smile.

"No you don't." I nodded, trying to protest, but he cut me off. "You don't have to feel like you owe me anythin' by sayin' stuff like that." I felt my jaw drop.

"I'm not saying that because I feel like I owe you something, or because I feel like I have to. I'm saying it because it's true!" I insisted. Sawyer looked at me with a disbelieving look on his face. "It's true!"

"Alright, alright, Sassafras. I believe you. Now take a breath in, then let it out. Your face is turnin' purple as a elephant."

"Elephant's aren't purple." I stated, then saw the look on his face and felt stupid. "Of course they aren't, sweetheart, of course they aren't." I laughed as he smirked at my moment of stupidity. Sawyer sat down on the sand, pulling me down with him.

"Why do you love me Kate?"

"Because," I looked up at his face, "You're the first person since–" I felt my throat close. I took another breath and tried again. "You're the first person in a long time who doesn't want me to change, to fit the mold of what they think I should be. You let me be me and you're happy with how I turn out." I paused, then grinned. "Plus, it helps that you're pretty gook looking. And you have an accent. That right there gives you a few points ahead of the competition."

"What competition?!" Sawyer asked defensively.

"Oh please country boy, you're not the only guy on this island I could have. There's Jack, Locke, hell, even Charlie's not half bad." I giggled at the look of indignation on his face. "Oh don't worry darlin', that southern accent will always keep me coming back for more."

"Well since Charlie ain't _half bad_, what about his accent?"

"Well, I have to admit, it is a pretty big turn on, but seriously… the English are just so bloody needy!" I mocked an English accent. Sawyer laughed.

'That's good then, 'cause you sure as hell aren't goin' any place else to sleep at night. Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm the purdiest smellin' guy on this island, thank you very much!"

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I was lying alone on the beach, just taking in the sunset. Sawyer had gone to the hatch to discuss something or another with Jack, and I really hadn't felt up to hearing those two fight about what color the sky is, so I stayed here, to be alone for the first time in what seemed like forever.

But does anyone on this island ever get time to be alone? Yeah, no.

"Hey Kate." Claire approached me tentatively, holding Aaron in her arms. "How're you doing?"

"Eh, alright." I didn't feel like saying too much, knowing she would get lost if I tried to have a real conversation.

"Er, that's good… Look, I just wanted to let you know that I know I haven't been there for you lately, but if you ever needed a place to just relax or someone to talk to, you can always hang out with me. I may not understand and you may have to repeat stuff, but I'll try." I gave her a grateful smile as she stood up and walked away. I turned my head again and stared wistfully at the sunset.

_How long are you going to keep this going Katie? _I questioned myself. _You can't lead him on. He's only going to get hurt in the end._

_But I'm not leading him on! I truly love him… and if he doesn't love me, then fine. That's his choice, not mine. _

_You don't love him Kate. You don't have the ability to do that. _My other half argued.

_You don't know anything. Just… shut up!_ I kept my gaze just below the sun, trying to calm the internal struggle that was going on.

"You keep lookin' at the sun like that, you're gonna blind yourself." Sawyer sat himself down next to me on the sand. I looked at him without an expression on my face.

"What did you need to talk to Jack about?"

"Oh, nothin' important. 'Course, as soon as I tried to prove my point, he started disagreein' and tryin' to tell me the sky was really purple, not blue." I stared at him, incredulous.

"You were really arguing about what color that sky is?" Sawyer gaffawed and slapped his knee.

"Sassafras, we're stubborn asses, but we're not that stupid. 'Course we didn't argue 'bout somethin' that stupid." I smiled a little, not knowing what else to say. I turned my attention back to the sun. "Kate." He touched my arm. I turned my head and stared down at his hand on my arm. "What's the matter?" I shook my head.

"Nothing is the matter. I'm just not feeling to well." I stood up and crossed my arms over my chest. Sawyer stood with me and spoke.

"Well, c'mon, I'll take you back to my tent and you can rest…" He grinned as another thought formed in his head. "Or, better yet…"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!" I exploded. "I tell you I'm not feeling well and you want to have sex with me. What…" My voice tapered off as I realized that I was really, truly screaming at him.

"Wha… Did you, uh… Were you really just screaming at me?" Sawyer's jaw dropped. I nodded my head, though still unsure. I tried it again.

"I think so… Oh my god, I can actually speak!" I threw my arms around his neck and laughed. Really laughed, with real sound. Something I haven't done in a month.

"Told you I was gonna help ya get your voice back darlin'. Now, how 'bout that tent of mine?" I smacked him in the shoulder, but grabbed his hand and we walked to his tent, intending to have a night never to be forgotten.

**I know, yeah, short and doesn't really answer any questions, but then it does, kind of. Like it, don't like it? Let me know… leave a review!! I'm hoping to have another chapter soon, so be on the lookout.**

**Thanks for not giving up on me… I hope most of you remember what's going on!**

**Tazitz**


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